Duncan’s experience of domestic abuse

Today (Thursday 2nd November) is Supporting Male Victims of Domestic Abuse Day. Around 20% of the people supported by Safety Net are men who have experienced various forms of domestic or sexual abuse. In support of this day, we’re sharing the story of our service user Duncan. This shows how the pervasive myth that "men are not victims of abuse" can serve as a significant barrier to abused men receiving help.

Duncan’s story

Duncan had been married to his wife for over ten years when she was finally arrested for physical assault. He knew from the early days that she could be a bit of a bully. However, as the years passed, the domestic abuse that he suffered at home got worse.

The abuse always followed a familiar pattern. If he put a foot wrong inside the house, his wife would criticise him and if he verbally defended himself, she would physically assault him. This would sometimes happen in front of their son, Joe. Duncan didn’t ever ask for help, because he felt that no one would believe him because he was a man – and in his own words, “men are not supposed to experience domestic abuse”.

 Duncan stayed in the relationship for the sake of Joe. But it soon became apparent that Joe was also being emotionally and physically abused by his mother as well. After a particularly brutal attack which resulted in Joe being physically marked, Duncan called the police.

 The police arrested his wife and an injunction was put in place. This experience has had a big impact on Duncan and though he has started to heal with the help of Safety Net,  there is more recovery that needs to happen so he can put this behind him. Although he is still on a journey to recovery, Duncan has at last spoken up, and acted.

If you are a man who has experienced abuse, we hope Duncan’s story inspires you to reach out and get support, should you need it. Please contact Safety Net today if you feel we can help you, thank you.